SHOCKING: Fancy new home office did not lead to more work



KIM KOELMEYER


Local law student Janine Cook (22) was surprised to find that despite setting up a very high-tech, ergonomic home office, she still cannot bring herself to get any work done.

Since the global spread of COVID-19, Deakin Law students like Janine have been forced to work from home. A regular white room inhabitant, working from home seemed impossible to her at first glance. But then, she saw an opportunity. After watching countless study-tubers take her through their desk set up, as well as a couple of ‘Top 10 Ways To Stay Motivated When Working At Home’ videos, Janine set up her own optimised study space to get her through quarantine.


It seemed simple: as soon as her space was set up, Janine was expecting to experience a sudden rush of productivity, and all her goals would be accomplished. Janine would be a new woman with a blank slate, ready to take on the world of case summaries. After all, she didn’t have to commute to uni anymore, and everyone knows that extra hour is where all our untapped productivity and amazingness live.


But Janine was in for a rude shock.


“Like, I sat down in my ergonomic chair and turned on my double-monitor setup, extended screen and all. But somehow, I still couldn’t bring myself to open up CloudDeakin. It was so weird!” Janine told Damages Incurred. 


Right after her 10 o’clock seminar on Blackboard Collaborate, the strangest urge came over her. Instead of going over practice questions like she usually does, she inexplicably decided to take a nap. Reports from the kitchen say Janine also had about 12 meals and would go on to have 3 naps that day.


Janine’s story is one of many, suggesting that there is little correlation between a fancy space and increased productivity. Janine’s family says she now spends the whole day in her pyjamas, doesn’t do much to replicate a usual day at uni and can’t recall the last time she had a shower.

Janine’s father, who is working remotely as a marketing executive, had a lot to say about Janine’s new habits.


“Working from my dining room table isn’t ideal, but I’m an adult. So I wake up on time and work to normal business hours, scheduled lunch break included. I do this because I have to, not because I have the perfect combination of working conditions. One of these days Janine will have to realise that motivation comes from within.”


In the meantime, the Cook household gets to spend their time in isolation listening to Janine’s latest YouTube hole at 12 in the afternoon. The current video explains how to make pizza dough with just greek yoghurt and self-raising flour.


More as this develops. 

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