Student contribution: Patricia Clarke
Damages Incurred has long been fascinated by the endless parade of flawless headshots gracing our LinkedIn dashboard. Today our reporter caught up with a penultimate student who requested anonymity in exchange for providing the scoop on the ideal angles – or apps – that get the job done.
“Look, I’m not ashamed to admit I’ve FaceTuned a few things,” she told our correspondent, indicating various facial features that had been brutally shrunken, blotted or entirely erased by the myriad of apps on her phone.
“Even if HR doesn’t notice, at least a snazzy photo will help me snatch a lawyer.”
Our reporter’s questioning of whether this was intended to be the primary or secondary plan was summarily dismissed with a laugh.
“Like, with the amount of men who slide into my LinkedIn DMs, something’s clearly working.”
“I mean, I do want a job, though,” she added hastily. “I just think my WAM goes up when my face isn’t puffy. You know, it’s subconscious.”
The interview ended abruptly when our anonymous interviewee generously offered to help out our reporter.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to do anything while you’re here? I could, like, pull your cheeks in a bit? And make your hair less shiny?”
Damages Incurred is not at liberty to discuss whether our correspondent took this offer.